I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
