i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
