thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
