I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
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