i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
