So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
