I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
