Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
