I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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