So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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