McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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