I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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