apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
The chlamydia really affected his face.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
