Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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