she woke up with a sticky ear
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
