I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize