So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
