How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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