love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
