Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
