Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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