I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
