Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
