well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Randomize
