YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
