I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
