Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
