and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
you made out with another girl for some wings
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
