he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
