Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
