I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
