yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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