My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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