I swear she didn't look like that last week.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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