You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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