I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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