At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
