My first STD was from a foam party
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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