im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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