I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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