if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
