I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
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