I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
