im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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