I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I pour the whiskey from now on
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
