i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
