If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
