how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
