This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
