You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
