Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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