i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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