sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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