i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
