I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
