I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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