i may or may not be watching the land before time
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
