Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
