one two three fourrrrnication!
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
