I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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