He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
