My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
