I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
