is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize