life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
