I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
