ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
He uses pillows to masturbate.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize