The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
