walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
is wine microwaveable?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
