i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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