She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
