I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
