my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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